These days...
There is no silence to corner my thoughts, or to divide one lifetime from another....
There is, instead, one sun, a moon, one soul and i do proclaim, i've lived and died a thousand times.
and my intentions to outlive do not go to waste, no matter the weather inside my heart, when it is dead to the world, when it is dead to me...
i see, i aim, call on the phantom madness of his own despair... and pull the fuckin trigger every time.
These days....
I take pictures of the sun
Play the soundscape of its echoes as it descends from my eyes
And the moon rises all mansions of the dead, where the night is my enemy and the Earth is my bed.
A life so changed by all turns of time, i'm reminded that a home is only a frame of mind
These days.....
Paradise is so far from this world, as u take from me,
What belongs to all of us, that this is what i bet; Heaven is somewhere, it is not here.
and the broken hearts, this broken soul.... i pick up these pieces but don't know where they go.
When the sun rises, takes with it, my will to un-think the night... not so much ur tv entertainment that wakes me up from a seldom dead sleep, its the reality that u will never grasp.
These days.....
I move on like a rainy day, forget to say what i meant to say
i walk alone, i walk away, look back to my death just waiting there,
and fuck.. i said i would, but i don't care...... what's one more line in the sand?
These days....
I run to get even, to the rythmn of a higher law,
That's one thing my target understands....
neither life nor death matters, only salvation. and I don't deny it, the hymn of my life is but
just one more wild ride, driven by a wild blood, hardened by a wild side, embraced by a wild Love.....
These days....
I spin my nights to shadow ur days, this empire is one of a million ways
to see me from all angles of ur burning sun... what i give, u take... what u bend, i break.
My hands say more than they once did before.... hold a smoke, as i dream away, one Letter at a time, one hit... one more time.... fuckyes. these days im doin.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
pieces of my life; love or faith.
i hold onto the simple things in life. i rarely fear the empty spaces inside my heart so long as i don't take for granted the peace and quiet of the shallow contentment. and while all move about; above me, underneath.. i observe more than my eyes can see alone. and watch as those who already know go on, as those who still question, find answers. and amongst my own angels and demons i roam to find my own. and feel ur eyes watching me.
my instincts take all leads. and i hold my silence against the thoughtless whispers of the outspoken kind. understanding is but a casual encounter for u, but for the cheap thrill of every indifferent bargain, i stand up to speak alone. since the day i was born. i lead. u follow.
i make my message plain. in no particular order im everything u see, and according to the trust i hold in u, u may stand part witness to a broken man half saved and half doomed. yes, in the grand city of restoring wayward ways my heart is still a sidewalk. that constant work in progress completely visible to all who pass me by. but never left to be conquered by any lesser than the common denominator between u and i; yes half saved and half doomed. so the believer in me may only reflect as much light as the believer in u. characterized by my shit-eatin grin, holding on easy, but slowly letting go...
my instincts take all leads. and i hold my silence against the thoughtless whispers of the outspoken kind. understanding is but a casual encounter for u, but for the cheap thrill of every indifferent bargain, i stand up to speak alone. since the day i was born. i lead. u follow.
i make my message plain. in no particular order im everything u see, and according to the trust i hold in u, u may stand part witness to a broken man half saved and half doomed. yes, in the grand city of restoring wayward ways my heart is still a sidewalk. that constant work in progress completely visible to all who pass me by. but never left to be conquered by any lesser than the common denominator between u and i; yes half saved and half doomed. so the believer in me may only reflect as much light as the believer in u. characterized by my shit-eatin grin, holding on easy, but slowly letting go...
where does faith come from? like literally? is it the same as feelings?
meh. not an easy question wtf
well.
since giving my life to christ, ive come to understand that there are strong differences between faith for a higher power and feelings for a higher power. its been a gradual discovery, a process of natural learning about myself, while struggling... stumbling and learning just who god is.
human emotion is a learned mechanism of surviving. call it a growth hormone... we as, as a whole body, are born into one world. and we as individuals, are born with the ability to feel. but do not be mistaken, we are born selfish creatures..
often times we as humans learn to depend on our emotions to determine our feelings, whether permanent or temporary... chemically driven, can be enhanced by substance or simply produced by the motions of daily living... they influence our relationships, our habits, our trespasses too...they influence us in ways that often times, as the rest of the world evolves around us, our train of thoughts remain stuck, on several tracks... slowly, or very quickly, pulling us in all directions, giving us reasons for which we can only divide our hearts, our minds, sometimes even our souls...
and with no direction in hand, feelings can make or break the promise of new life...
suppose that is why we are so prone to find our faith in other things besides god. we grow dependent on the feelings we find in things that the world offers. be it drugs, alcohol... money. possessions. destructive relationships. the list really do go on and on but u kno how lazy i am u get the jest of it...
fuck i dont want to talk about this. id rather listen to the doors, and let my numbness take the wheel. fuckit im already talkin.... k so
faith is not as easily defined. there is no FAITH 101... it is often mistaken for feelings. yes this i learned the hard way... more importantly tho, ive learned that since giving my life to christ, my feelings don't ever really matter against my faith. here here! have to give thanks, even for the nothings. u see even when the world has shit in my cheerios, i can only make it my first (or second or third)priority to be thankful. not to the world, but to christ. even at my worst, my faith in god is there to pull my hands back and say hey, d fucka, chill the fuck outs bitch.
yes in all my experience of living and losing, ive learned that losing is only temporary. and winning does not even exist.
after completing seminary several years ago (fuck that was a long time ago lol) i looked forward to a life of honesty and redemption. a life of giving to and for god... my years as a firefighter were behind me, or so i thought...
at that time, my feelings were telling me i needed to simply run away. but my faith was driven by the need to get the fuck out of a life where playing with fire was my thrill, and being FIRST was nothing but just another fuckin day on the job... i often had to wonder was my gift for saving lives just a learned skill or was it the bi product of a purpose i did not kno about?
i did kno one thing by then, seeing someone on the brink of death and knowing ur hands are the only hands they have for those few minutes, somehow, god makes himself known around u. u FEEL the urgency. without looking at ur watch u FEEL how many minutes u have. when the persons eyes are fixed on urs, they cannot process what u are saying no matter how loudly u speak in their direction, they are not looking at u. but they FEEL u... load em up, stabilize. give the rest to god ive said.
so yes at that time, i felt god calling me, i heard him... but my eyes could not see fully in his direction. it did not help that getting kicked out of one baptist church (and not yet thrown out of the second) sort of blew the wind out of my fuckin sails.... still, the tat i gave pastor henry's wife came from the heart, semper fi..... and the vodka i gave her was only to numb the pain.
but it was not without making me take a good hard look back and really... really think.... it made no sense. if it was god calling, why was i the way i was... was my faith in him all a dream??? and could i really really abstain from fornicating???? and no smoking??? WTF????? yea. suppose i had some answers to find, and fuck the best ones i could get my hands on, these answer had to be RIGHT. i knew that much.
i realized that it was not god calling me to become a preacher. as good as everybody said i was, that they could feel my words roll off the tip of my tongue and feel the lord coming thru them.... i realized that if anything, god was calling me to do something, but to preach, no. in fact, i realized that even tho i had a passion for the lord and bringing others by the masses to him, it could very well have been turned a weapon, having led the lost straight into the path of destruction, where i was already an expert. shhit. yeeeea. go me right.
moral of the story, i learned the hard way that faith cannot be taught. a person who has none cannot be taught where to grow faith. not any more than a preacher who is lost can be taught how to preach it.
feelings well... it is ok to have feelings. but it is even better to have faith. cuz in this world, we are only human, as primarily lost as we are naturally chosen to be born. as thirsty to conquer as we are hungry for peace. as quick to feel as we are fast to take. as eager to find freedom as we are slow to serve...
DSM
well.
since giving my life to christ, ive come to understand that there are strong differences between faith for a higher power and feelings for a higher power. its been a gradual discovery, a process of natural learning about myself, while struggling... stumbling and learning just who god is.
human emotion is a learned mechanism of surviving. call it a growth hormone... we as, as a whole body, are born into one world. and we as individuals, are born with the ability to feel. but do not be mistaken, we are born selfish creatures..
often times we as humans learn to depend on our emotions to determine our feelings, whether permanent or temporary... chemically driven, can be enhanced by substance or simply produced by the motions of daily living... they influence our relationships, our habits, our trespasses too...they influence us in ways that often times, as the rest of the world evolves around us, our train of thoughts remain stuck, on several tracks... slowly, or very quickly, pulling us in all directions, giving us reasons for which we can only divide our hearts, our minds, sometimes even our souls...
and with no direction in hand, feelings can make or break the promise of new life...
suppose that is why we are so prone to find our faith in other things besides god. we grow dependent on the feelings we find in things that the world offers. be it drugs, alcohol... money. possessions. destructive relationships. the list really do go on and on but u kno how lazy i am u get the jest of it...
fuck i dont want to talk about this. id rather listen to the doors, and let my numbness take the wheel. fuckit im already talkin.... k so
faith is not as easily defined. there is no FAITH 101... it is often mistaken for feelings. yes this i learned the hard way... more importantly tho, ive learned that since giving my life to christ, my feelings don't ever really matter against my faith. here here! have to give thanks, even for the nothings. u see even when the world has shit in my cheerios, i can only make it my first (or second or third)priority to be thankful. not to the world, but to christ. even at my worst, my faith in god is there to pull my hands back and say hey, d fucka, chill the fuck outs bitch.
yes in all my experience of living and losing, ive learned that losing is only temporary. and winning does not even exist.
after completing seminary several years ago (fuck that was a long time ago lol) i looked forward to a life of honesty and redemption. a life of giving to and for god... my years as a firefighter were behind me, or so i thought...
at that time, my feelings were telling me i needed to simply run away. but my faith was driven by the need to get the fuck out of a life where playing with fire was my thrill, and being FIRST was nothing but just another fuckin day on the job... i often had to wonder was my gift for saving lives just a learned skill or was it the bi product of a purpose i did not kno about?
i did kno one thing by then, seeing someone on the brink of death and knowing ur hands are the only hands they have for those few minutes, somehow, god makes himself known around u. u FEEL the urgency. without looking at ur watch u FEEL how many minutes u have. when the persons eyes are fixed on urs, they cannot process what u are saying no matter how loudly u speak in their direction, they are not looking at u. but they FEEL u... load em up, stabilize. give the rest to god ive said.
so yes at that time, i felt god calling me, i heard him... but my eyes could not see fully in his direction. it did not help that getting kicked out of one baptist church (and not yet thrown out of the second) sort of blew the wind out of my fuckin sails.... still, the tat i gave pastor henry's wife came from the heart, semper fi..... and the vodka i gave her was only to numb the pain.
but it was not without making me take a good hard look back and really... really think.... it made no sense. if it was god calling, why was i the way i was... was my faith in him all a dream??? and could i really really abstain from fornicating???? and no smoking??? WTF????? yea. suppose i had some answers to find, and fuck the best ones i could get my hands on, these answer had to be RIGHT. i knew that much.
i realized that it was not god calling me to become a preacher. as good as everybody said i was, that they could feel my words roll off the tip of my tongue and feel the lord coming thru them.... i realized that if anything, god was calling me to do something, but to preach, no. in fact, i realized that even tho i had a passion for the lord and bringing others by the masses to him, it could very well have been turned a weapon, having led the lost straight into the path of destruction, where i was already an expert. shhit. yeeeea. go me right.
moral of the story, i learned the hard way that faith cannot be taught. a person who has none cannot be taught where to grow faith. not any more than a preacher who is lost can be taught how to preach it.
feelings well... it is ok to have feelings. but it is even better to have faith. cuz in this world, we are only human, as primarily lost as we are naturally chosen to be born. as thirsty to conquer as we are hungry for peace. as quick to feel as we are fast to take. as eager to find freedom as we are slow to serve...
DSM
my reply...
I don't understand why some Christians feel entitled to judge others who are not devoted to Christ. I've asked myself the same question and too often I've found that there are many, many people who 'say' they are saved, but that does not clearly define who is the Christian and who is not....
Christians have a right to be proud of loving Christ, and they got an obligation to serve Him where ever his will calls upon them to do so, regardless of what non-believers say or object to. They have a right to freely believe and demonstrate that faith, and they also remain warned that they will be persecuted for doing so.... I cannot judge anyone who believes or claims not to believe. i can only examine myself. Am I judged as a Christian?? Yes all the time, by both believers and non-believers. ima tell u this fucka, between u me and this fence-post, reformed smokers and reborn christians.... fuckin best at that shit.
As a Christian i believe in god with all my heart. why, u ask, and i say this because the world is the world and i have learned that there is no other way to salvation. That's not to say at my darkest times I will not doubt myself (NOT MY FAITH... but MYSELF). yea go figure ha, but the bible does not state that faith comes with its self-serve mechanisms as a Christians we are to feed our faith with the word of Christ, nurture the love that grows for Christ, and to simplify it for u, live to give what all u got, for the love of Christ.
u asked me why the bible speaks in parables, and u say u believe that if God was real that he would find no reason to hide himself from those who do not believe........
i say this to u and listen with not your eyes but listen to me with more of u, listen to me with that force that u use to cloud my own judgment...
the word of God is not for everyone; hearts of the rebellious cannot see or listen with their hearts, for god's word and all the truth is hidden in the parables and is sacred to those who give of themselves first and seek to know the truth of god. who seek Him.
u asked me who made god and the answer is simple, god is infinite. the bible states clearly he is the first, he is the last... beginning and the end... the Alpha, the Omega.
u say to me, that if God were real, there would be proof of this, tangible proof for people to see, feel, smell, hear..... i say this to u, god is not an instant gratification god, even tho we live in an instant gratification society... God's existance is proven by the air u breathe and the sky which reaches no limit. his son jesus christ was his next form of proof. and to this day there is more proof that a man named jesus christ was born to a virgin and walked the earth. carrying out every prophesy foretold, dating back to thousands of years before his birth, and that specific, scientific, and tangible proof does exist, that no man on earth could have possibly done the things jesus did in 33 years of life, down to the very last words in which he spoke to his father, and said '..my father, unto your hands i commit my spirit'...
hangon i lost my train of thought.....
as for u thinking i am trying to 'save' u... no need for sarcastic remarks, i understand asshole just fine.... it is not my job to save u that is god's job, its my obligation to share the word of christ with u and in no way am i asking u to rely on me, seek all reference in the bible....
yes.... u almost let me forget, christians are not perfect, and if u were judged poorly by many before stumbling upon ma sorry azz than i say u attracted some bad apples who might not even have a relationship with christ, and it might make u happy to know that God will judge the Christian First.
DSM
Christians have a right to be proud of loving Christ, and they got an obligation to serve Him where ever his will calls upon them to do so, regardless of what non-believers say or object to. They have a right to freely believe and demonstrate that faith, and they also remain warned that they will be persecuted for doing so.... I cannot judge anyone who believes or claims not to believe. i can only examine myself. Am I judged as a Christian?? Yes all the time, by both believers and non-believers. ima tell u this fucka, between u me and this fence-post, reformed smokers and reborn christians.... fuckin best at that shit.
As a Christian i believe in god with all my heart. why, u ask, and i say this because the world is the world and i have learned that there is no other way to salvation. That's not to say at my darkest times I will not doubt myself (NOT MY FAITH... but MYSELF). yea go figure ha, but the bible does not state that faith comes with its self-serve mechanisms as a Christians we are to feed our faith with the word of Christ, nurture the love that grows for Christ, and to simplify it for u, live to give what all u got, for the love of Christ.
u asked me why the bible speaks in parables, and u say u believe that if God was real that he would find no reason to hide himself from those who do not believe........
i say this to u and listen with not your eyes but listen to me with more of u, listen to me with that force that u use to cloud my own judgment...
the word of God is not for everyone; hearts of the rebellious cannot see or listen with their hearts, for god's word and all the truth is hidden in the parables and is sacred to those who give of themselves first and seek to know the truth of god. who seek Him.
u asked me who made god and the answer is simple, god is infinite. the bible states clearly he is the first, he is the last... beginning and the end... the Alpha, the Omega.
u say to me, that if God were real, there would be proof of this, tangible proof for people to see, feel, smell, hear..... i say this to u, god is not an instant gratification god, even tho we live in an instant gratification society... God's existance is proven by the air u breathe and the sky which reaches no limit. his son jesus christ was his next form of proof. and to this day there is more proof that a man named jesus christ was born to a virgin and walked the earth. carrying out every prophesy foretold, dating back to thousands of years before his birth, and that specific, scientific, and tangible proof does exist, that no man on earth could have possibly done the things jesus did in 33 years of life, down to the very last words in which he spoke to his father, and said '..my father, unto your hands i commit my spirit'...
hangon i lost my train of thought.....
as for u thinking i am trying to 'save' u... no need for sarcastic remarks, i understand asshole just fine.... it is not my job to save u that is god's job, its my obligation to share the word of christ with u and in no way am i asking u to rely on me, seek all reference in the bible....
yes.... u almost let me forget, christians are not perfect, and if u were judged poorly by many before stumbling upon ma sorry azz than i say u attracted some bad apples who might not even have a relationship with christ, and it might make u happy to know that God will judge the Christian First.
DSM
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