tell me why u came to me
i saw u, walking this way, and watched ur lips mouth foreign philosophies
tell me how it is i can understand u
a man with no witness; a man with no particular place in mind....

tell me why u came to me
im a hundred times more desperate to outlive u, equally outnumbered, and in some conspicuous ways, already dead
then tell me how it is i can understand u
a man of anonymous fears; but the running kind; a man with no particular place to hide....

tell me what she said to me
before she disappeared, scattered into thin air, and ur eyes turned to glass.. quite the bomb she held for u
and even still i ask how it is i can understand u
the man who took her there, and left her there; yes, that man with no particular heart inside...

translate my offering while i stand above ur eyes. make me the last man u see... notice the nights, all tossing and turning deep inside? they fighting for her, what is left of me.
this u see cuz who else woulda known, against these odds and promises made; that i'd risk all with two twos if i've already paid...

and my grand illusions of me going home, living away the good, leaving behind my vices... its not hard to understand where i want to be
but then again, all the predictions in my mind are only temporary
tho the outcome is all of mine to dream....

tell me why u came to me...

Matisyahu - One Day - Lyrics

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6


the last sentence in diane's last letter to me said, u just get your ass back home in one piece so i can kick your ass hahaha i love u fucka man. i keep opening that letter, as if im expecting the words to suddenly change.

this was the same day her heart just gave out, inside an auto shop, according to an email i got the next day from her sister. i know most of her family could care less for me. that's ok, how shit goes when things dont work out but as long as they kno im prayin for her. and as long as jadie knows i got her in my thoughts and prayers too.....

so times are hard right now and when the goin get tough i tend to go it alone. not something i can help even tho i have tried. besides, no smile i could crack right would be real anyway.

in these times i find it necessary to take the moments i got and spend them on prayer. prayer not only works like no medicine man has ever been able to duplicate in modern science, but it is the only way god understands our questions. ponders our answers. considers all we bring to him, and take from him, regardless of outcomes or what some call, his mysterious ways. diane always mentions god's mysterious ways. perhaps she understanding them better than i do these days...

they sayin to prepare for the worst with diane, but i refuse to take the doctors word alone i will not doubt their clinical opinions, as a 15 yr veteran firefighter paramedic i kno just what 'prepare for the worst' means. but they have not ever known diane, and im sure they seein for themselves now she is no woman in compromising positions, she a warrior.

not yet titled...

to remember the things and the way things used to be... from a life now governed by the pieces of me.

every now and then, go back to the familiar territory of this broken man, welcomed and unthoughtfully scaped in all sinful directions, and with a moral purpose not clearly defined, only evident by the footprints patterned, in perfect circles shown from above.

not yet mastered the labrynth of this broken heart, which was once a pyramid, now grounded and reorganized to span across all that signifies the man u see, wandering, but with no desire to be found. so never try to figure me out, or u will only learn to love what u have become.. and though u might catch me rambling sporadically in and out of ur mind, in the end i will only leave with the door open... 'someday this cage will pay off', i say.

and the conflict... all the conflict of a broken mind. i know the difference between the rights and wrongs. its where one hand falls inside the other that i rediscover all in life is only temporary, and that sometimes we cannot choose our battles, or choose our lovers, we can only decide if we would do it all over again.

and in where i speak my ungraded thoughts, only the guilty can detect the convicted shadows casted of a knowing man... and the words, they find life and breathe into the shallow graves of those who think they must be living, but who are really not living at all.... and the talkers? well dont believe everything u hear about me, check their pulse instead.

in thinking back, i can feel the fragments of the life i lived anyway u see... the undetermined feelings for the all things i couldnt change, and all the ways i could have but didn't. all the ways she loved me before, and all the ways she love me now.... and u cannot change what is written in my blood on all the judges walls, inscribed is the best and worst of me. rewound and replayed.... the sounds of the old days calling me.

are u still following?

and i think a little to the left, then a little to the right, but keep my balance before my pride, crossing bridges that still fall behind me. leaving the parts of the past that already killed me, while bringing back what always belonged to u. see what u love about me? whatever broken just happens to be... need not ever underestimate these pieces of me.