Waiting

the last sentence in diane's last letter to me said, u just get your ass back home in one piece so i can kick your ass hahaha i love u fucka man. i keep opening that letter, as if im expecting the words to suddenly change.

this was the same day her heart just gave out, inside an auto shop, according to an email i got the next day from her sister. i know most of her family could care less for me. that's ok, how shit goes when things dont work out but as long as they kno im prayin for her. and as long as jadie knows i got her in my thoughts and prayers too.....

so times are hard right now and when the goin get tough i tend to go it alone. not something i can help even tho i have tried. besides, no smile i could crack right would be real anyway.

in these times i find it necessary to take the moments i got and spend them on prayer. prayer not only works like no medicine man has ever been able to duplicate in modern science, but it is the only way god understands our questions. ponders our answers. considers all we bring to him, and take from him, regardless of outcomes or what some call, his mysterious ways. diane always mentions god's mysterious ways. perhaps she understanding them better than i do these days...

they sayin to prepare for the worst with diane, but i refuse to take the doctors word alone i will not doubt their clinical opinions, as a 15 yr veteran firefighter paramedic i kno just what 'prepare for the worst' means. but they have not ever known diane, and im sure they seein for themselves now she is no woman in compromising positions, she a warrior.